


I Think I'll Just Collapse Right Here, Thanks

by Kira_Dattei



Series: The Old Guard Whumptober 2020 [26]
Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Developing Friendships, Established Relationship, Immortal Found Family, Immortal Husbands Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, Whumptober 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:15:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27698170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kira_Dattei/pseuds/Kira_Dattei
Summary: Joe hates explosives and thinks they were better off undiscovered.Prompt: Ringing Ears
Relationships: Andy | Andromache of Scythia & Nile Freeman & Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani & Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Series: The Old Guard Whumptober 2020 [26]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1994617
Comments: 2
Kudos: 110





	I Think I'll Just Collapse Right Here, Thanks

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not a whump writer so I can't promise a huge amount of whump in all of these. I just picked the prompt from each day that actually sparked an idea and ran with it.  
> I'm mostly using these as a way to get a feel for the characters and I simply love the relationships given in canon and wanted to explore them.  
> Joe is the lucky whumpee for most of these because I just love him.
> 
> These are all going to be one-shots and they are as connected as you want them to be so you’re good to just read one and not worry about missing anything.
> 
> And this is one of those that don't really have all that much whump to it but I really like because it's just these guys interacting.

“Why couldn’t the most advanced weaponry have stopped at the elegance of swords?” Joe complained with a groan as he tried to ignore the shrapnel being pushed out by his body so the wounds could heal. It helped that he could hear Nile covering him while Nicky was sitting at his side, gripping one of his hands to comfort him while his other was ready to fire on anyone stupid enough to try and move in on them.

Explosives were the worst, he’d decided the first time he’d taken the blunt force of a grenade going off in his face. And unfortunately it happened semi-regularly as it was something easy for people to resort to. Because you didn’t need good aim to hit someone with an explosive. And often it wasn’t about avoiding the blast themselves but protecting someone who wouldn’t heal within minutes from the damage done.

“Because people had to be good with them to be really useful and that’s inefficient,” Nile shot back to him. “Half the time I don’t blame them.” Nile had already started learning the basics of general sword use and there had been plenty of times she had proven how different correctly using a sword in a fight was from what she’d seen in movies. She’d become somewhat less interested in learning once Joe had detailed why he didn’t consider anyone skilled with any particular weapon until they had years of experience using it.

“They _should_ also be skilled at using firearms but, according to you, they just tossed a gun into your hands and had you point and fire at the target until you hit it more than once.”

“Not everyone has all the time in the world to become masters at the weapon they have.”

“I would be happy if they at least became proficient.”

“You asshole! I was plenty ‘proficient’ when I met you guys.”

“And yet we have been working with you for a few months now and you are still learning plenty about how to truly be skilled with firearms.”

Nile was giving him something external to focus on and he loved her for it. She’d started doing that within weeks of joining them, just one of the ways she’d settled into their dynamic easily, not being a replacement for anyone but just being herself.

Joe hadn’t known Lykon or what Quynh had been like when she joined Andy, but he was pretty sure Nile was settling in smoother than any of them had. Because Joe and Nicky had actually been immortal and together for so many years by the time they met Andy and Quynh that they struggled with adjusting to it being more than the two of them even if they didn't really have any issues getting along with the women. And Booker’s entire transition to this life had been rough. Nile had her struggles but she was remarkably adaptable and Joe couldn’t tell if it was just a difference in people in this time or if it was just down to how Nile was.

“Please tell me he’s close to having his guts stay inside him so we can catch up to Andy,” Nile said with a glance over at them.

“Why? Afraid you’ll lose the same argument once again? You forget we had to go through all of this with Booker and that was before guns were the machines encouraging laziness that they are now. At least in the time of Booker’s first death, guns were just barely beyond being an inconvenience to use.”

Nicky had looked over his wounds briefly, checking the progress of his healing. “He’s close. About a minute left and he’ll be well enough to move.”

“Perfect! Nile can completely lose her argument by then.”

“You do realize that you wouldn’t be so opposed if you’d been born in an age that had guns, don’t you? You’re just being an old timer about the whole thing.”

“I am an ‘old timer’ and I will not regret being attached to a superior method of war. Being able to kill more people in a shorter period of time doesn’t mean it’s a better way to conduct battle. People weren’t meant to be able to kill each other as quickly as they can with guns and explosives.” He moved to sit up, hugging his free arm over where his skin and muscle was still mending but it was healed enough for him to start getting up. “Also, I would love to remind you that most cultures hold a deep respect for their elders, that they recognize the value of having people that are naturally closer to death and they have earned their respect by living to old age and the wisdom that gives them.”

With Joe sitting up, Nile moved closer to the two of them but still gave him an incredulous look. “I’ve watched you argue with a museum curator for two hours.”

“He was wrong and was being idiotically stubborn. I have a degree in anthropology and was actually there.”

“Alright you two, you can continue this the next time one of you takes a grenade,” Nicky interrupted as he handed Joe’s gun back to him, having taken it when he was checking Joe after he’d gone down.

Nicky was amused by this at least.

They fell into a familiar formation, Nicky taking point as Nile followed directly behind while Joe took the rear. Joe wasn’t really worried about running into too much resistance until they caught back up with Andy. The woman was meticulous in causing carnage and no amount of recent mortality was going to change that.

By the time they did meet back up with her, they all jumped in immediately to take out the remaining dozen people trying to kill her. Once all four of them were involved, it was over in under ten seconds.

Once everyone was down, Andy looked over to him, checking to see that he was alright. He gave her a nod and a short wave before switching out his clip for a full one, pocketing the one he’d removed as it still had four rounds left. He knew not to assume four bullets weren’t of use.

“We’re not even halfway through the compound,” Andy noted.

“We knew this was a large gang. We should have taken out more than half of them by now,” Nicky replied, keeping his eyes on the entry points of the room while Nile was switching out her own clip. Those two had done the recon on the place so they knew the layout and numbers they’d be up against the best. “Ready to push forward?”

“Don’t know why we stopped,” Andy replied as she stepped past Joe, bumping his shoulder teasingly on the way and Joe shook his head with a grin.

They’d cleared a few more rooms when they hit another group of armed lackeys. They’d been about halfway through the room when the group had entered firing and Nicky had moved in to cover Andy, taking at least three rounds to the torso, falling dead and Joe and Nile had moved in to keep Andy covered while they moved to a position she could fight back more safely from.

Nicky would only be down for another ten seconds. Joe was counting and trying to not be distracted by watching too closely for him to be up again that he missed something from their enemies.

They were down to a little over a dozen people facing them down and they were getting close to having an opportunity to really move in as he knew many of them were running out of ammo. He caught movement from where Nicky had gone down and knew his love was about to provide the distraction they would need.

He was just preparing himself to push forward when he caught sight of one of them pulling out a grenade and aiming it for them, the man standing behind a few others so Joe couldn’t get a clear shot before the pin was pulled and it was tossed at them.

Nicky was going to be so pissed that he’d taken two grenades in the span of half an hour. But he couldn’t let Andy be anywhere near that grenade when it went off.

Knowing Nile would give him shit later, he grabbed at her and threw her bodily to the side, hoping to get her out of range of the worst so she would be there to help Andy in the time he was dead because he learned long ago to assume he would die from being close to an explosive. It wasn’t like it was that much better to survive. He then rammed himself into Andy, catching her low enough that she wouldn’t be able to just throw him out of reflex. She fell forward, turning the motion into a forward roll and doing so took her around the corner of a crate that they had been using for cover and he knew it would be enough that she wouldn’t take any brunt of an impact.

He hadn’t been able to give himself the same angle though, his priority being Andy getting out of range. He heard the grenade go off behind him and he felt the slamming force of the impact along his back and down his legs, his ears starting to ring as he stumbled to the floor with how his legs had gotten shredded too much to hold his weight.

Well, he hadn’t died this time around. Didn’t mean it was going to be any shorter of a healing process but he really hadn’t wanted to be out of it again.

He forced himself to look back to where the remaining enemies were coming out of their own cover and he extended his hand holding his gun in front of him, his arm and hand shaking with the effort. He still got off three shots, two more falling with the third shot going wide as his vision was blurred, disoriented from the explosion.

It was enough to get everyone moving though and Andy and Nile were returnibg fire on either side of him while he was pretty sure he heard shots from further behind him but couldn’t say for sure with how his eardrums were still ruptured from the blast.

His vision was clearing quickly and he got off another two shots, both landing and then a few more shots from the others and the room was clear.

Joe let his arms drop to the floor, letting go of his gun as he rested his forehead against the floor with a pained but frustrated sigh. “Can someone please call dibs on the next grenade?” he said once the ringing in his ears passed enough that he’d be able to hear what anyone said.

“Or you could try not getting blown up,” Andy replied.

“You guys didn’t seem like you noticed him throw it,” he defended himself honestly. And from the way Andy didn’t respond, he figured he was right. It was why they were a team: if one of them never missed anything, then they would be able to do all the work themselves.

“You know, I would have picked up the argument with you once we finished up here and got back to the safe house. You didn't need to actually take another grenade before we finished up here,” Nile said as he felt her hand on his shoulder, avoiding the healing gashes on his back.

“Well, I didn’t want to risk forgetting where we left off, ‘old timer’ that I am and all,” he joked as he shifted his legs, testing the progress of the healing and hissing in pain for his trouble.

“You called Joe an old timer?” Andy asked. “Way to miss the mark on insulting him, Nile. Out of all of us, he takes the most pride in how long he’s been alive. Now, I’m going to push forward while you’re getting yourself back together.”

“No, you won’t,” Joe declared, his need to make sure Andy stayed safe rising immediately. He hadn’t been alive to try and stop her before. “These guys are way too inclined in using explosives.” He felt a hand moving gently on his lower back and knew Nicky’s touch immediately. He’d been wondering what was taking Nicky so long to get to him. “This won’t take too much longer and then I’ll be good to go. And if they decide to come to us before then, well that’s their fault.”

Nicky spoke from beside Joe, “We’re past the point where there are any alternate exits. If they want out, they’ll have to come this way. We won’t lose the target. He’s right, you shouldn’t risk moving ahead alone.”

“You’re just saying that so you can take a few more out yourself.”

“Perhaps, but that doesn’t make him any less correct. You said you would be more cautious and you’ve already charged ahead alone once. Isn’t that enough for one target?”

Joe knew the look Nicky would be giving Andy and knew it wasn’t one she was any good at turning down and he smirked into his forearm. Then he had to hold in a laugh as Andy let out a sigh and said, “Fine, we’ll wait. But just so you know, giving them this time to collect themselves just means they’re going to be better prepared to use another grenade. And, Joe, if you do take one more, you’re finding your own way back to the house.”

“Of course, _zaeim_ ,” he replied with a dismissive wave. He was close to being done healing. It was just his legs that were taking forever, which was fair since he was lucky they’d even stayed attached at all.

“Wait, what’s that mean?” Nile asked before giving an exaggerated groan of frustration, again providing Joe something to focus on. And it was really appreciated right now since whatever was currently healing was really being painful about it, likely nerves having healed so he was able to feel more of the damage. “I swear you do this on purpose, just throw out random Arabic words to encourage me to get on learning it.”

Joe gave a strained laugh as Nicky actually answered her. “Joe had always been one for endearments and nicknames for us. But then we had to begin changing our names when we started having people comment on how old our names sounded. We simply ended up altering the name we went by to whatever variation of our name Joe was currently calling us at the time. So, while we still leave it to him to decide when we change our current name as he tends to have a little better grasp on shifts in a language and follows trends in names, he decided to also change how he referred to us. He settled on switching to endearments in other languages, mostly Arabic or something in our native languages.”

“I tell it better,” Joe jumped in even as he smiled. It was something he’d always loved, being allowed to choose their identities and he’d always treated it with care, wanting them to be happy to be called what he chose for as many years as they would be going by that name. So far he hadn't had any of them dislike his choices.

He was also excited that with how people were naming their kids in these current times, they might actually be able to revert to their given names for a while and have it not be as unusual, just like they didn’t really need to worry about hairstyles anymore. That would be nice. He missed hearing his real name except in times of one of them wanting to get his attention quicker.

“You always tell it better, _hayati_ ,” Nicky said in a wonderful blend of fondness and placation, teasing Joe. “He’s essentially calling her ‘boss’ in Arabic. When he isn’t pleased with her, he uses a much more sarcastic term.”

“And it's usually in a language I don’t actually speak,” Andy noted. “Be careful about that: he keeps track of what you’re fluent in and will test you regularly on if you’ve let a language you did speak slip to the wayside.”

He felt Nicky lay his hand on his lower back and was glad for the signal that he was healed enough to move around. He rolled over to his back and while there were still pinches of pain where some things were still stitching back together it was pretty much all closed up and he rotated out his ankles and flexed his legs and worked his way to stand.

Nile chuckled before saying, “Take one more and you could sell those pants as designer.”

Joe frowned over to her, not really getting what she was saying. None of them had ever paid attention to fashion beyond knowing what was common enough for them to blend in. They'd been pleased with how long the "jeans and a t-shirt" had gone on as the most common style and had only just recently started to look for new shifts in the clothes they wore. Though Joe had been experimenting a little more than others, Nicky blaming his artistic nature for that and Joe not disagreeing.

Nile rolled her eyes. “I’m taking you shopping tomorrow.”

Joe frowned again as he started checking his gun and switching out the clip. “I don’t want to go shopping.” Just because he'd done some experimenting didn't mean he was excited to be subjected to clothes stores for the afternoon. Most of what he tried were impulse buys and he was content leaving it like that.

“And sometimes I don’t want to sit while you sketch me and ‘learn my lines’. We all do things we don’t want to do. And I’m bringing you into this decade with at least some of your wardrobe. And before you ask, no I’m not making Andy or Nicky come. I’ll need a few more years to break them down.”

Nicky walked past Joe as he moved to take point, leaning over to give him a quick kiss on the lips as he went. “She’s saying you’re easy for us to manipulate, love.”

“Yes, thank you, Nicolo, I caught that,” he retorted shortly.

Nile patted his shoulder as she passed, making it obvious that they were making him take the rear position like that would ensure he didn't take another grenade. “It’s just because you care, Joe.”

“Yeah, I caught that, too. Thank you, Nile.”

Missions really were different now that Nile was there and Joe really didn’t mind. She actually managed to make getting hit with two grenades in the span of twenty minutes not so bad.

Though that didn’t mean he wanted to go clothes shopping with her. He liked the clothes he had and he truly didn't trust the masses to determine what was most popular to be something he actually liked.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading and I really hope you liked it. Feel free to leave a kudo or comment if you feel so inclined.
> 
> If you have any prompts to send my way, I'll gladly try to so something with it as I love these guys and have no problem doing more. So just leave a comment with the prompt and I'll do my best.


End file.
